Sacral Healing: A Roadmap to Health and Vitality (my personal story)

I was in the depths of my illness. It was April 2019; a difficult time as I was moving closer to my birthday. For me, birthdays feel like such a liminal zone. I was equally worried for my state of health. It had been over a year of not menstruating due to autoimmune complications and above all else, I felt for my body having to go through so many ups and downs. Adrenal fatigue was a constant battle. My creativity was blocked. My hormones were severely depleted and out of balance. I needed my health back.

Naturally, I was grieving my inability to be fully alive and well. I could also sense I was on the verge of healing. I was tenacious and constantly researching my way into new solutions. My fears had become indulgent and it became clear to me that I had to allow for the flow of energy even though it felt impossible at times. I could feel myself opening up more. My whole being was awaiting change. My heart was opening more. It was such a bizarre feeling to be on both sides of the situation and yet see both with bird’s eye clarity. One part of me healing and looking for ways to regain my vitality, and another already healed and in full-bloom. I could feel the stream of wellness. I trusted that change was on its way.

I was seeing a fantastic spiritual psychotherapist who specialized in psychosomatic healing. She was gifted with a heart of gold; the sweetest and kindest guide I could have asked for. By that point, I had been seeing her for over a year. Consistent weekly sessions of psychotherapy and body work were my top priority. Our sessions were powerful beyond measure. It was in those hours spent doing shadow work that I felt healed and whole. The process was long and tumultuous. This work isn’t for the faint of heart. I was astounded by my resilience and determination. I kept going. Nothing could stop me from detouring or changing directions. I knew I was healing and I knew my focus was shaping my reality. I felt empowered knowing I was taking charge of my health from all corners with impeccable tenacity. To keep the momentum going, I began acupuncture sessions with a gifted naturopath specializing in Chinese medicine – another powerful decision to shift things faster. It felt like I was in a timeless vortex of pure healing potential. My wellness had become my daily work. In fact, when people asked me what I did for a living, my answer was healing myself. That was my work.

Acupuncture proved to be a powerful tool. I began to feel balanced. I was eased into the flow of life again. The puzzle pieces of my health were slowly coming together. My life force was back. I felt alive. And nothing felt more incredible than trusting myself and life in the process.

It was towards the end of May that I began feeling energized to reconnect with friends and acquaintances in the city. After months of energetic healing and hours of daily meditation, I was able to reconnect with the lost parts of my soul. That was my soul retrieval actualized. My social life was blooming with potential again and it felt exhilarating. Astrologically, I was aware of what was happening too. And, I was aware of the connection between hormones and our presence in the world. I was in pain for so long. My illness was related to grief; that became clear to me. A kind of grief that kept eating me alive from the inside and I knew no healthy outlet for releasing the constant state of gloom. Prior to that point, my life was a great performance masking my lack of knowing how to digest life on life’s terms. I couldn’t fathom assimilating the events that happened in my past. Everything felt irreconcilable. And this was the indulgent loop that kept me stuck. Like I said, I had absolute awareness of what I needed to stop and implement.

Beginning to feel the spring in my whole being, I was overflown by excitement. I felt strongly about creating beautiful new things. Not like before, rather beginning a powerful journey of creating from my creative core. I felt unconditional bliss and a sense of beating the odds. It was a kundalini awakening. A gradual but powerful opening process. My sacral chakra was in fact healing. At that point my inflammatory markers were off the charts and difficult to pin down. And yet, my energy body was healing powerfully. And it was happening fast. I was intuiting all kinds of creative ideas. I felt like I was channeling colours and shapes more than I could comprehend.

It sounded like a crazy idea at the time, but I thought to myself, maybe I needed a new paint set? A new room? A new art studio? An entirely new space just for me to feel like home. I felt my roots were anchoring too. So began the process of redesigning my home and the creation of two beautiful spaces for my chef-self and for my artist within. My sanctuaries were complete. More than ever, watercolour resonated deeply with what I was growing through. I needed that flow. I hadn’t painted or held a brush in 6 years and I was on fire. And, my creative block vanished in that month.

There’s more to the story. As soon as I started painting, I got my period back. It was a miracle! None of the specialists I was seeing were able to help me with this. My body was healing through my creativity. Dancing became a daily practice just as much as being in the kitchen. I felt my sensuality coming back. I was able to express myself. I tapped into my child-like playfulness. I was curious for experiencing life outside my comfort zone. I felt gratitude for the fleeting moments of pain I had experienced throughout my life. I was connected to my body from my roots. Earth felt like home. And painting became the medicine I was looking for to heal. I felt reborn.

Where is this mystical creative centre in the body, you may ask? The sacral chakra sitting 3 inches below the navel and at the centre of the lower belly. For us women, our womb. Otherwise known as Svadhisthana -Sanskrit: स्वाधिष्ठान, IAST: Svādhiṣṭhāna: ‘where our being is established.’ – our sacral chakra is the second primary energy centre in the body.* Svadhisthana is responsible for intimate connections with self and others. It’s also the centre for sexuality and creation represented by the element water. This chakra is said to be blocked by fear, especially fear of death. No wonder my hormones were depleted. I was stuck in the energy of grief. And it all made sense. The overbearing grief and sense of betrayal I felt in all the previous years, and perhaps even previous lifetimes, had completely blocked me from flowing in life and feeling my innate sensuality. From losses to betrayals and heart-breaks, everything I witnessed in life was locked frozen in time in my womb and I didn’t know how to truly let go.

This is an important inner journey for us all. Our sensuality is a roadmap back to health. Our creativity connects us to life. Our sexuality is powerful. Especially for women, it’s sacred ground for creation and mysticism. Our connection with our bodies keeps us healthy and whole. Look at the miracle of life growing in us, as we hold the wisdom of the great moon goddess that gives us energy in every cycle of life. Our periods are powerful times of birth and rebirth. We absolutely need to be in touch with our sensuality to tap into health. We depend on our sexual energy to realign with mother nature. The wisdom of the seasons are innately and deeply rooted in us from the moment of conception, when we’re nothing but a seedling to when we spring into life and bloom into adulthood. As we transition into fall, shedding away layers like autumn leaves, and step into winter having gained the wisdom of the seasons, we need our sensuality.

Our expressions of sexuality is powerful too. I’m not talking about sexuality expressed through another, although that matters; rather the primary connection we feel with our senses; the connection we have to our bodies; our expression of creativity and intimacy with one’s self and another. Sexuality expressed by virtue of seeing beauty and expressing our desires.

Women have been a primary topic in global politics. Our essence has threatened patriarchal systems to the extent where witches were burnt for engaging in rituals pertaining to the appreciation of nature. We are still violated in unimaginable ways. We’re told our blood is dirty. We’re called hormonal instead of human. Our emotions have been turned against us. Our bodies have been criticized. Our sensitivities have been judged. Our intuition’s been a source of ridicule and our emotions dismissed. Myths and stories have been written about our natural cycles. We’ve lived through timelines of misogyny. But no one has ever taught us the meaning behind bleeding. We hold the wilderness in our hearts and wombs. We are mother nature in essence; creative and powerful beyond understanding. And yet, we’ve never been told why we feel so wild. There’s never been a guide-book on how to retrieve the stolen gems and the power of our uninhibited selves. And the culture continues to perpetuate endless messages of shame about our bodies and our presence in the world. This hurts. Yes. It really does. And, the work is now in our hands. We need to take focus off of what’s clearly not working and cultivate what is and should. We are living in times of powerful change. It is up to us to change our stories and live aligned with our authenticity. We need to transcend the outdated programs. Our intuition is our guide. The universe is for us and not against us. It’s time we see our true resilience and step into our aligned selves.

I was born and raised in a culture where women are actively silenced and objectified. We were held hostage to violence. I now live in a culture where women are covertly silenced and objectified. Here, I fully sense the systemic narcissism stopping women from expressing from their sacred centres. Both are equally damaging. Both are equally shaming. For eons, we’ve been told stories of how we should be. We’ve been consistently told to settle. Our worth and sense of community equally came from the notion that the more inhibited we performed, the more we belonged. There absolutely was and still is a sense of survival attached to our womanhood. To be one in this puritanical culture, we have to follow a given identity. Where is the reverence in that? Why do we give so much power to these voices? And now I ask of you, whose voice are you feeding? Your soul, or the projections of our culture? Who would you rather be? Yourself or a constructed ideal of womanhood so farfetched from reality that it feeds only the unconscious conditionings of violence against women? Who are you when no one is watching? Who do you choose to be? Will you dig deeper into your roots? Will you choose to see your essence? Will you walk away from those outdated narratives? Will you respect yourself enough to walk away feeling empowered? Do you see this as your choice? Do you see this as an opportunity for inner re-alignment? And can you see it all depends on you? Will you transcend? You decide. These are important questions; questions I didn’t ask enough of myself before my rock bottom. Questions that I answer in a beat today. I know who I am. I know what I stand for. I know my body and the seasons I hold within. And I’m no longer giving in to the shoulds of the culture. This isn’t to say I don’t have any work to do, rather it’s a declaration of my autonomy in how I express and love myself:

I show up with honour.
I celebrate my essence.
I honour my sensuality.
I see through my soul.
I hold space for my growth.
I leave my heart open to life.
I see myself with compassion.
I respect my boundaries.
I love deeply.
I nurture my desires.
I cherish my sexuality and what is rightfully and intrinsically mine.

Now I want to invite you to affirm the following statements with me. Together, our energies are amplified and that creates a powerful ripple effect for greater healing and harmony.

I choose to have a healthy relationship with my body.
I honour my body.
I choose to say no to people and places that violate my boundaries.
I know myself and my boundaries: the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual boundaries that make my being.
I am creative.
I express my creativity through my body and senses.
I cherish my sensuality.
Body autonomy is my birthright.
I do not live for others’ perceptions of me.
I choose to see beyond projections and limitations.
I choose to question my triggers with compassion.
I choose to see the world with child-like curiosity.
I choose to see shame as an invitation for self-love.
I choose connection over validation.
I choose expression over outcomes.
I am intimately connected to life.
I am abundant and self-generative.
I accept my sexuality and forgive the past.
I flow through life.
I choose to transcend the limits.
Life is a celebration.
All is well in my world.

All my love,
Behnaz

*https://chopra.com/articles/awaken-your-creativity-chakra-svadhisthana
You can find more of my paintings here: https://behnazbeigui.com